Transcript Podcast Episode 11: Mindsets Keeping Your Home Messy
Mindsets Keeping Your Home Messy
Wannabe Minimalist Show Transcript Episode 11
You’re listening to the Wannabe Minimalist Show, Episode Number 11. On today’s show we’re talking about how our minds and the thoughts we hold keep our homes messy, even though we feel like we clean them endlessly.
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Welcome to the Wannabe Minimalist Show. I’m your host, Deanna Yates and each week on the podcast we will talk about what it really takes to be a minimalist with a family. I believe minimalism is a mindset for how we see stuff, but more importantly, being mindful of the items we let into our lives, homes, and relationships. Let’s do this!
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Well, hello there. Welcome to the first episode of 2020! I know that every podcast you listen to, video you watch, and blog post you read is freaking out about the new decade - and sorry to day it, but it’s not going to be different here.
2019 was a great year and I am so excited to see what 2020 has in store. I hope you are as excited as I am. That’s why today I wanted to keep the momentum from our last episode and talk about our minds again.
Have you ever thought your mindset might be keeping your home messy? Are you trying to declutter, but find something is holding you back? Like no matter what you try, your home ends up messy again?
If that sounds like you, it’s probably one of the following 10 mindsets I’m going to talk about that keeps your home messy. That’s right. Decluttering is no easy task. And it can be made even more difficult by our mindsets and the thoughts we tell ourselves.
But, before we dive into the details I wanted to take one last opportunity to tell you about the free 21-Day Decluttering Challenge I am hosting in my private Wannabe Minimalist Group on Facebook. If you’ve ever wanted to declutter, tried to declutter and failed, or and just curious about what my home looks like, then you have to join me over on Facebook in my Wannabe Minimalist Group. Starting on January 11th, I will be leading an amazing group of wannabe minimalists on a whole house declutter and I’d love for you to join us!
It’s a free challenge and the only thing you need to do is go on over to Facebook and join the group. I want to give back to my awesome community and hosting this free challenge is one of my favorite ways to support you on your journey toward minimalism. The group is shaping up to be a lot of fun and I don’t want you to miss out.
So take a minute - pause this podcast if you need to - and on head over to LittleGreenBow.com forward slash challenge and join the Wannabe Minimalist Group on Facebook.
The challenge starts THIS SATURDAY. Jump on in, introduce yourself, and get ready for an amazing start to the new decade.
I’ll be with you every step of the way and participating in the daily challenges too. Challenge posts will prompt you to take action in a new space around your home every day. The steps are small, but the results are mighty. You’re going to love it!
Let’s start the next decade in the right frame of mind, with less stuff, and more encouragement to live the life of our dreams.
So go right now to LittleGreenBow.com/challenge and get ready for the most amazing 2020. I can’t wait to see you there.
Now lets get back to the top mindsets that keep your home messy and how to overcome them.
The first mindset that keeps your home messy is that your memories are wrapped up in your things
If you have not looked at your belongings in a long time, you will often find the process of decluttering to be a trip down memory lane. Some memories will not be so good. For these items you should show yourself some grace, forgive yourself or the person that caused you pain, and remove the item from your home. You do not need that negative energy living with you!
Other items will come with good memories and it is difficult to get rid of things that remind you of good times. When handling these items you need to ask yourself if the item is beautiful, useful, or if it brings you happiness. If so, you should find a way to display it in your home and not pack it away. If the answer was no, find the courage to thank the item (and person) for the great memory and remove the item from your home.
If you really don’t want to lose the item forever, consider taking a photo of it. Then you can create a memory book of these things when you are done.
The memory of a happy time lives in your heart, not in the thing that sparked the idea.
2. The second mindset that keeps your home messy is But, it still has tags on it!
I’m sad to say that I have been guilty of this in the past. When cleaning out your closet you may come across clothes that still have the tags on them. It can be really hard to look at something you’ve spent hard-earned money on, that is still brand new, and part with it.
But, when you look at the item, you need to ask yourself if it brings you joy and if you feel amazing wearing it. You can also ask yourself if you would buy it again if you were shopping today. If the answer is no to either question, it should be donated.
Don’t beat yourself up or keep your closet filled with things you don’t like just because they were never used. Instead, think of how grateful someone else will be to receive a new item at a fraction of the cost when they come across it.
3. The third mindset that keeps your home messy and cluttered is “I feel so wasteful throwing this away”
This was the hardest mindset for me to overcome when decluttering. When faced with the piles of things you have accumulated, you may feel guilty and wasteful. The best thing to do is to donate or sell as much of it as you can. This will minimize the negative environmental impact of decluttering.
Another way to fight this mindset is to make a commitment to value the items you choose to let into your home and promise to never own items that do not truly bring you happiness. This will help you not become so wasteful again in the future.
4. Mindset number 4 that keeps your home messy and cluttered is keeping something because it was a gift
Gifts are wonderful to receive. They make us feel loved and special and thus they hold a lot of emotional energy. But, what do you do with a gift that doesn’t really fill you with joy and happiness.
Are you supposed to keep something just because a loved one gifted it to you? Actually no, you are not. A gift is just a physical representation of the love someone has for you. The gift itself does not hold the love. As long as you appreciate the person who gave you the gift and showed your appreciation, there is no required “holding time” that you need to keep the gift.
This can sound a bit harsh, but you deserve to surround yourself with positivity, joy, beauty and things that make you feel happy and inspired.
Make it a point to give clutter-free gifts whenever possible too so that you are not contributing to others people’s belongings. If you need help with this I talked about it on episode #5 of this show so I’ll be sure to leave a link in the show notes.
5. The 5th mindset that keeps your home messy and cluttered is the dreaded thought that I might need it…someday
The idea that you might possibly need something in the future is another tough mindset to overcome. It ties into the third mindset of being wasteful and the ninth mindset (which deals with scarcity, but we’ll get there in a minute) because you don’t want to have to buy something again.
The best way to overcome this mindset is to think of the kind of life you want to live and then use this new life to measure your items against.
For instance, let’s say cooking is not something that brings you joy. Sure you make dinner most nights, but you’re not channeling your inner Giada De Laurentiis or day-dreaming of having your own cooking show on the Food Network. So, when you are decluttering your kitchen feel free to say goodbye to the pots, pans, gadgets, and extra serving ware pieces that never see the light of day. You will be fine and cooking will be easier when you are not fighting to get to THE ONE POT you use on a daily basis.
Trust me. We lived out of Airbnbs for a whole summer and did just fine cooking a meal or two per day in each and every kitchen. Some were totally bare bones and others were pretty stocked. I bet if you asked my husband which meals were cooked in kitchens based on how many different pots and knives I had available he would not be able to rank them.
Another way to look at things you may need someday, is to think of ways you can borrow or rent these items. Do you have a friend who loves to bake? Maybe you could borrow her stand mixer one weekend? Or better yet, you can get together for a chance to bake together - like at Christmas. That way you get to build up your friendship, make fun memories, and still get the end result of the baked good you wanted.
Are there ways you can rent items you need? Big things that come to mind are power tools, sporting equipment, and formal dresses. Smaller things like library books can also be rented. There are even a few really surprising things you can rent like camping gear, chickens to lay eggs, designer handbags, camera and video equipment, jewelry, and garden plots.
You might be surprised that you can rent what you need when you need it instead of holding on to something and creating a bunch of clutter because you might need it someday.
6. Mindset number six that keeps your home messy and cluttered is keeping things as motivation.
Do you have a pair of “skinny” jeans in your closet? How about a dress you’re saving for when you lose weight? Sure, you may fit in these items again, but when you do, will they really still be in style?
Try this instead: Instead of holding onto those “skinny clothes”, which makes you feel negatively about yourself and your body every time you see them anyway(!), reward yourself with something awesome if and when you do reach your goal weight. You totally deserve it!
7. The seventh mindset that keeps your home messy and cluttered is the idea that things make you happy
The western world has been sold this idea that in order to be happy we need more, more, more. However, as the sayings go, “you can’t buy happiness” and “the best things in life are free”.
And scientists agree. Yes, you do need some money to be happy, but once you’ve hit the threshold where your needs of housing, food, clothing, and health are covered adding more things to the mix doesn’t actually make you happier (for the long-term at least).
If shopping is your therapy, consider asking a friend to join you for a coffee date or just to walk around the mall and window shop. Having a friend to spend time with is a great way to boost your spirits and you can ask them to be your accountability partner.
I talked about this a lot in the last episode of this show so I won’t dive in too deep, but what you are really craving is a spike of dopamine in your brain. You want to feel good in the short term. Instead of shopping or surrounding yourself with things, take up a new hobby, attend a class, gain a skill, heck start a blog or podcast - both will keep you plenty busy and I find a lot of joy in both. If you want a deeper look at why we as humans crave more, check out episode number 10 - I’ll link to it in the show notes too.
8. Mindset number eight that keeps your home messy and cluttered is that you plan to sell this thing on Craigslist or whatever internet site you prefer.
Yes, you can sell your decluttered items and make a decent amount of money. In fact, remember how I talked about the first time my family traveled to Europe back in 2014 and we sold 90% of our belongings. Well, we made just over $28,000. Yep. Selling your items can be amazing.
But, what you don’t get to see in that statistic is how much stuff we had to buy back when we came back to the states or how much money it took to accumulate all of that stuff in the first place.
I remember we helped friends with a garage sale once and they were thrilled with their total money made at the end of the day…it was a $1000. And absolutely that is a lot of money. But, all of that stuff took up a lot of space in their home and in their minds. So by all means if you can sell your stuff do it. It’s not going to be easy and it will take up your time, but it’s possible and can even pay for a family vacation.
The real issue with this mindset is when you hold on to items that you plan to sell “someday”. Inevitably “someday” never comes and the items end up back in your home. An easy way to overcome this is to set a “sell by date”. If an item has not been listed or sold by your sell by date, then it should be donated in order to free up the space in your home and mind.
Just like using it someday may never come, selling it someday will never come if you don’t do it now.
And remember if you can keep the items from coming into your home in the first place, you can save yourself a bunch of money (more that you’ll ever make back) and keep your home free from clutter.
9. The ninth mindset that keeps your home messy and cluttered is the idea that things make you feel secure
I briefly touched on this mindset in #5 so let’s take a minute to talk more about how things can make one feel secure. This, at its core, is a scarcity mindset. It’s the feeling we have when we worry we won’t have enough or won’t have the things we need in the future.
We believe that having things gives us more and makes us feel prosperous. Unfortunately, holding onto things in an attempt to feel satisfied, makes our homes cluttered and messy. This is the opposite of what we want and sadly has us living a life of fear - not one of prosperity.
It can seem strange at first, but once we start to live with less, we begin to realize still have everything we need. Instead of living in fear of the unknown future, we can choose to have more time, space, energy and freedom now.
I realized this after moving across the country 7 times with all of my stuff and then my husbands stuff and then our daughters stuff dragging being us. Then after living in Europe for a year with just our suitcases, I discovered that we could be happy with much, much less. We still had a blast that year. We made amazing friends, spent more time outdoors, taught our daughter how to ski, ride a scooter, and get around a big city on public transportation, and just enjoyed our time together instead of always cleaning. People could drop by at anytime and we just felt free.
Never once did I feel deprived or like we could not get what we needed when we needed it. Not only did we survive, but we thrived. That’s why I am excited to join you all on the 21-Day Decluttering Challenge. It’s been about 7 months since we’ve returned and I am still working my way through our stuff. It’s less, but there’s still more I can do.
10. And the tenth and final mindset I’m going to discuss today that keeps your home messy and cluttered is the toughest. It’s the idea that you have to keep something because it belonged to a loved one who is now deceased
I never said these were going to be easy and a lot of you have asked me about how to handle sentimental items and things that belonged to loved ones. This is the hardest mindset to overcome because there is a sense of permanence when you have something that belonged to or was gifted to you by someone who is no longer living. When you start your decluttering journey, it is best to put any of these items to the side and to have them be the last things you decide on. By then you will have honed your decluttering skills and be better at knowing how you want to live your true life.
It might go without saying, but I feel I should remind everyone - only keep items that remind you of good times with your loved one. Also remember that even if you discard a thing of theirs you are not discarding the person or your memories.
Here is an example of this in my own life. We lost my father-in-law to a battle with melanoma almost 8 years ago. He was a big collector of t-shirts. Instead of keeping these shirts (that didn’t fit anyone else in the family) my mother-in-law turned them into quilts for her two sons. They are very special because, not only do the t-shirts remind them of their father, the shirts were matched with special times times they each had with him. Our quilt has a t-shirt from our college graduation, our wedding in Mexico, visits from when we lived in Colorado and more. Now it’s like we get a big hug from him when we cuddle in the blanket and is something that truly brings us joy.
Think about how you can use these items in a special or creative way that you can really cherish.
Now for those of you dealing with a whole home of items from deceased parents, I feel for you. It’s a tough job and one of the reasons I am a wannabe minimalist - I do not want to leave a bunch stuff behind for my daughter one day. The advice I will give you it to choose your favorite pieces and those that are most special to you. Show your appreciation for these pieces by putting them in your home and not in storage. But, be diligent with those items you keep and remember if we treat EVERYTHING as special, then nothing is.
And that wraps up our top 10 mindsets keeping your home messy or cluttered. As a recap they are:
1. Items hold our memories
2. But, this still has tags on it
3. I feel so wasteful throwing this away
4. It was a gift
5. I might need it someday
6. I’m keeping this thing to motivate me
7. Things make me happy
8. I plan to sell it
9. Things make me secure
10. It was a loved ones
Do any of these mindsets sound true for you? If so, great because now you can start working through them.
Mindsets can be difficult to overcome because they seem so ingrained in who we are. But, when we take a step back to examine why we really believe something we often learn it is just a mindset we chose to believe long ago. We can let these thoughts go and start living our best life.
Now, let me ask you…which of these 10 mindsets is the toughest for you and what changes are you going to make this year to overcome it?
I’d love for you to jump over to the Wannabe Minimalist Facebook group and let me know, it’s totally free. You can search for us on Facebook. Again it’s the Wannabe Minimalist Facebook Group and I’ll be sure to leave a link in the show notes to make it even easier for you.
I want you to share one of the ways you are going to shift your thinking about your stuff so you can let it go and start living the life you dream about. I can’t wait to hear from you and help encourage you on your journey toward less stuff and more happiness. So jump on over to the Facebook group and let me know what you are thinking.
If you liked this episode, I would love it if you would subscribe and leave a comment or rating so others can find this show too. I’ll see you next week when we’ll be in the midst of our 21-Day Decluttering Challenge. It’s going to be fun so don’t miss it.
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So, this episode is might be over, but we don’t have to say goodbye just yet. Head over to my website, LittleGreenBow.com for tons of great resources, freebies, courses, and a link to join my free Wannabe Minimalist group on Facebook. Let’s tackle this thing together.
And if you loved this episode it would be really helpful if you left a rating or review so more families can find the show.
You’re awesome!
Thanks and see you next week.